To my dearest children,
Because you have a beautiful heart worth mining for!

Oh those days. You know them. The ones after you left everything you knew. Everything you loved. Everything you were familiar with. To go to a place where you’ve heard about. You think you’ll love. You are somewhat excited about, but mostly nervous.

And now you find yourself here. It’s hard some days. Most days. Especially after finally having giving from yourself again. To people you just met. Whether it’s your cousin or a new friend. You loved meeting them. It was good.

But now it hurts again. The stinging feeling of being lonely. Of missing out. Of having left something good. It feels like everything is out of your control.
You know it’s time to sleep. So you linger. You try to avoid it. To take control. Mostly to take control. You make rules. Stupid ridiculous, nonsense rules. Like I cannot say “I love you”, since I already said that this month. You don’t want me to pray for you. And your luvie has to be an inch to the left. Or you’ll explode.

And I want to explode with you.

You are trying to ensure, guarantee you’re not exposed. You try to orchestra your own little universe, with rules and lines. A world where everything goes in such a way that it feels like you can hold it. Control it. Oversee it. Predict it. So nothing will ever surprise you, because something unexpected and not in your plans could possible expose your weakness. Oh, the unsafe-ness of weakness and vulnerability!

You want to hide. Close the door. Save between four walls. You know… I want it too.

But also, I want to meet you. I so badly want to meet you in your lonely place.

I want to hug you. Love you. Squeeze you to pieces. I want to build a snowman. Ride the bike with you. Preferable around the hall (although, I’m not sure that’s going to fit without falling down the steep stairs ;)).

I know. Some days are hard! Some seasons even.

Do you know you have a choice those days?!

Oh, yes you can choose to be the distant King, the unapproachable Queen in your kingdom of isolation! You sure can. All powerful. In control. Controlling the situation.

Please think one more time. Is it you in control? The one with power? Are you truly the King. Are you really the Queen.
Or is it the fear? The pain? The rejection? Your past mistakes? The wounds? The loss that is the ruler?

Are you in control?

Or is the heartache that is keeping you from true connection?
The worry causing you to miss out on what God wants to give you?
The past stealing a present blessing or beauty?
Stinging wounds preventing you to feel deep love?
Are you in control? Or are you, in this moment, a control freak who is missing out?

When you feel the hurt of loss. Of letting go. Of pain and grief. Don’t conceal. Don’t try to let that have control. Please my dearest child, don’t hide! Don’t try to be perfect boy. The good girl.

Some think being a perfectionist is something worth of adoration.
Others think being in control is equal to power and is worth of esteem.
Don’t be fooled! Don’t ever be fooled!

If you find yourself again. There on that hard and lonely day. After having felt the pain of a loss. Being hurt while you were most vulnerable. Afraid of the unknown. Fearing your own power even. Please, mijn liefste, in that dark and isolated place open up those gates!

~ Be perfect. Conceal. Solve the problem. Fight your pain. Combat your fear. Heal your wounds. ~
Don’t listen to those lies!

My precious warrior son. My cherished princess daughter. God made you! You know it.
He made you to be in relationship. Never to be alone. He wants to spend time with you. He wants to love on you, so immensely great that it might overwhelm you at times.
He also made you to be in relationship with others. Everyone is a bit of a fixer-upper. We need each other to raise us up and round us out. Don’t ever think you can do it alone. You’ll need others. Not out of weakness, but out of perfect creation, the wonderful way God made and meant us to be.*

That is why you have the second option, you can choose different.
To not be the distant King, the unapproachable Queen in your kingdom of isolation.
You can decide to let people in! To let them see. To be the beautiful person you’re meant to be. You’ll experience beauty and meet danger. You will feel and be. Make mistakes. And oh, yes, you’ll hurt. But maybe, for the first time in forever…

We can head down this mountain together! I will be right here. You don’t have to be afraid. Don’t panic. We can face this thing together.

Darling, I love you. That is why I knock on the door of your heart (and mine, because I so badly, badly need to be reminded of this too!), I crank up the volume and sing as loud (and false) as I can. How I would love if you would join me!

*I am not saying you should be friends with all and everyone. Sometimes you’ll need to choose some distance. It’s a good thing to have your boundaries, since you don’t want to end up with a Hans… 😉